wishing a reimbursement to anyone who saw capability in me
I will never be optimal for interpersonal
I was always meant to be eternally imaginary
only indistinguishable apologies and overt misery mythologies
pleading with myself to stop raising my damage threshold
I should have been a better amount of aspiration
exerting anchor exploits inside this argument with depersonalization
I’ve been out of energy to withstand these headaches for hours
— AECK 2023
at least after revealing every step of the way I can now start revealing less and less
every unsavory detachment incantation laid out
it’s only crooked survival
this has all already been forgotten anyways
sharp rumbles of obstruction almost ate me
missing the teeth marks of my tastier days
pierced by so many lethal doses of doubt
please, I need to share more giggling
you make the terror turn away
extraordinary situation surfaces worth enduring for
dancing as hard as I can against these psyche collisions
images of the otherworld brain will continue but rooting with this writing gave me chunks of agency
denying hypomanic displacement due to the bong in my hands
clinging onto my scraps of love
desirable on command when properly uncursed by clouds
doing my best even if it means I’ll always be a circumstance shadow at best
— AECK 2023
jilted heart only finding fondness more cryptic
jotting down jagged concepts while apprehensively hoping that puffing generates protection
interruption object in my skull which blocks all the advice that others are nice enough to dispense my way
ready to drop it all if it means avoiding the disruptor-destiny
using daydreams as defense really pales when placed adjacent to the allies others have
it always comes back to the awareness of the alone
stability gloom surges through this entirety
havoc moon ensuring that I’ll never be soothed to sleep by simple speech again
— AECK 2023
lurching through potential poem lines on a keyboard so that I’ll stop muttering mean shit to myself
room for reassurance never ran out, the reception modes are just freshly lost
feeling like piles of pipe dreams rather than a person
concerning heaving as I hold onto the hues needed to stay soft
found out to be of the never-to-be-displayed variety
being a memory-mutation inside of their interim recollection allows being barely embraced
arid ringing in every press of the enter key
composure vex
— AECK 2023
an overwhelmed advocate without any advocates of their own
slowly dying in your monitors & phones
even if I’m known of for years & years.. you’ll never want to actually to know me
desperately desiring the opposite of only being figments of a full featured friend
trying with all tenacity to just purr & vibe for everyone even though this pain is another forever
ending up whimpering off camera while I embed into myself how unnecessary any relevance is
a digital forest reduced to compartmentalized heart-to-heart stumps
kept dull in the lives of others for a reason
never cuddled & only culled after so many seasons
cherishing if I were ever shining for you at some point
please tell me anything whimsical
pleading for distance from preoccupation with distress
convinced that emotional intelligence developed evasion just for me
in agony but proud to type, “I’m not a lost cause”
typing it again because I don’t want to seem completely destitute to you
I’m not a lost cause
motions that must be gone through
thank you for not removing me even though it would be easy
the safety for the imperfect that you implement won’t be wasted
keeping the kaput attitude in the art
you’re reading bared soul bleeding
collecting any help to stay intact
my stories are worth seeing
and you deserve soaring
only becoming answer adjacent by way of pouring what are hopefully patterns that can be applied as intel
can’t keep dwelling
can’t keep dwelling
can’t keep dwelling
can’t keep dwelling
can’t keep dwelling
can’t keep dwelling
can’t keep dwelling
let’s dwell on dwelling together
or just spell out having a silly hangout
meaningful beings being missed
promising how bad you would all be missed
“feel free to mention my endeavors for the sake of pulling the levers of therapy”
attempting to earn this epitaph ceaselessly
because I won’t be able to keep swinging like this
sticking out the declines for as many encounters as possible
even if the awfulness of suicide takes me away from us, you will always be worth encountering
direct message remarks will be in low amounts
but I know the real ones recognize these cries for help
developing stamina for suffering is tough without spare time
thanks for affording me any space in your mind
I’ll be donning another headache generated by weeping now
wondering if I’ll appear in anyone’s dreams
unable to wander away from my own nightmares
I have to stop writing to attempt sleeping
melting down for the hours & hours it took to create this poem is probably all I’m good for at this point
preparing & preserving as a goal for a fading life
— AECK 2023
no aspiration for a top of the heap type of plot
astronomical
needing to be knotted up by true people
symptoms
drift while we sift through conversation desolation
density
the feeling of getting spoken to less
practicality
just a clutter-creature that was actually rebuked
unrecognizable
worried that waking up is losing flavor
pessimism
forgettable is the sufficient descriptor
translucence
only offered 20 minutes to remove recognitions
compressed
— AECK 2023
clearing the obscurity with clarity
no amount of caring can appease the demons in me
I see these mirrors when they’re not in outer space
spinning a case that all should be abandoned
sanding down to smoothed over hopes
optimism as a joke while rolling down these fucking slopes
desires so imperfect they were imported from parables
frayed & left with nothing other than staring at empty pixels
— AECK 2023
looking for the ideas instead of letting my eyelids close
my barren aura happens to be the place where nothing grows
bidding farewell to fictitious travel
does my unraveling fit in with your schedule??
I’m not worth wondering about
just a silly little freak on the citizens’ screens
I’m also not worth sundering your clout
lack of scenery changes have kept me deranged
lack of scenery changes have kept me deranged
deranged
looking for synonyms for my symptoms
simply took my turn guiding ripped up wisdom
crypt-buffs kept me going
landing critical hits with all this flowing
showing you shavings of sentiments
lamenting all the fondness that you were saving for me
this type of game definitely has no file
just riled up to write once again, that’s all
— AECK 2023
unfortunately feeling better suited for being a phantasm
would I serve more useful as a spectre??
basic discomfort during the daunted dreams expands
dispersing dismal senses as rapidly as I can
skies turning over from blue to black
no idea if I should find night or day
determined to be detected in the right time zone tactics
possibility rays from the sun & hopeful beams from the moon
— AECK 2023
perseverance that pushed past the primordial
tenacity put in place for personal glory
moving forward by checking flipsides
and figuring out how to do so gracefully
continually mending modes of progress
staying contentious during junctures when we can & might get staggered
soaking in occurrences
acknowledging our instances during departure understanding
while cultivating, notice the reliability that you’ve already felt
then know you deserve more of that & different versions of that
acquire insight that there are diverse types of abundance ahead
the evolving you’ll experience will be prized
— AECK 2023
sometimes if feels like pessimism persists over everything else
even after you’ve found self-love
but ingrain that improvement after the search is necessity
embracing the entity we pilot and the energy inside of it
develop the drills unique to your retention
reinforce continually until no one else can convince you otherwise
mantras will help us unlearn how we may have been mishandled
arduous is exactly what it is for some of us
always encourage others even when you’re dealing with disconnection
those gestures can reflect back when you need them
exerting a type of patience purely for you because YOU deserve that
operating the observation outside of distortion
brighter less clinical moments will begin to peek through
you’ll feel rested in your heart again
an inner well of essence that brings silliness and sweetness is to be sought
establishing safety so you can enjoy all of the surprise side effects
— AECK 2023
never met a turtle named Steve
but I’ve long known a turtle named Speedy
new reptilian homie to conceive
you know they’ll be benevolent and never greedy
shelled up and ready to chill
modern day dino spot to fill
don’t pick them up like a toy plane!
refrain from causing scaly anxiety
terrestrial munching until the end
we’ll probably be outlived by our new turtle friend
— AECK 2023
